Local or Global?

Hi, Everyone! Smiley-faces all around! If only we could defeat those meanies, we would have a global brotherhood and sisterhood of peace! No borders, no wars! Peace! No kids would ever bully any other kids!

Just put us in charge! Let us run the courts across the globe! And the school systems! And commerce! We can work together to plan jobs for all in plans every four-and-a-half years! Or, five-and-a-half, if that works out better!  As long as we are able to judge how much energy each corner of the world is allowed to expend, and we use taxes on this energy to fund our magnanimous efforts!

Plus, we can keep a check on that nasty varmint, CO-two!

But wait! There is more!

Not only will we usher in a millenium of global peace, with peoples from all walks of life communicating and working together across the globe, we will ALSO – get this – be LOCAL! No, not Loco!!! Local!!

We will make decisions locally. We will shop locally. We will work locally – no more evil Mr. Carbon spewing from our commuter cars! We will all pedal bicycles to work, or simply carry each other, taking turns! We will burn our waste locally, and bury our poo ops locally!

No more exporting our dirty laundry! We shall shaat it, so we shall smell it!

Local music. Local currency, locally-grown crops, micro-lending, and micro-breweries. We will all get along so well that we won’t need those big blue meanies with their guns!! We will just ask anybody acting mean to please be kind!! Did you know the Japanese police do not carry guns? See? We just need to think positive thoughts, and be nice to each other. Like in Japan. No mafia, no exploitation of imigrant labor. And, they apologized to all of the young females who were drafted into prostitution in WWII. Remember, there will be no guns, so no war!!


How will we pull this off! You racist!! You homophobe!! You capitalist pig!!! PIG!!!! I riot in your streets! Wait until Bill Ayers shows up – he will stomp your racist, imperialist flag!

How will we have our Marxtopia that is entirely a local endeavor, with local rule, and at the same time have a global pan-pax world with no borders, and everyone helping each other out?

Well, you have to pass the bill to find out what is in it, silly!! Trust us! We smoke, have bachelor’s degrees in urban planning, and have no intentions of being cruel-hearted or neglectful of anyone!

Once we get rid of the hate and the guns, any local rules developed will surely line up with the global goals and rules!

So, if we sound like one day we are advocating for a total localocracy, and the next day are dreaming about the eventual globocracy, plese don’t be a buzzkill – it is your adherence to Western Judeo-Christian ideals that is blinding you to the obvious: we are advocating a totally locavore movement that is global in scope!


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